Turning Crisis into Triumph

The last few weeks, ok…more like the last few months, I have been struggling with a problem that I haven’t had to deal with ever before. If I was being truthful to myself, I would even call it a crisis, a financial crisis. It has pushed me and pulled me in ways that I could have never envisioned I would experience at this point in my life.

Now I have struggled financially off and on over the years, but never to this extent. Due to some life circumstances and some mental roadblocks, I find myself in new territory.

You may not be experiencing a financial crisis, but you may have some other challenges that are testing you, whether it’s a relationship, an academic or work situation. Unfortunately, as part of being human, we all are tested now and again.

Rather than focusing on problem and feeling disempowered, what we can do is reclaim our power and find a route to overcome the challenge. While I haven’t fully resolved my financial crisis, I have found some steps to begin to turn the challenge in the direction of triumph.

1. Tell the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but…

Telling the truth in this area can be very challenging for me because I want to appear successful both to others as well as myself. However, ignoring the problem only made it worse. However, my work is about being authentic, so I thought I better walk the talk. So I sucked it up and began to tell the truth to myself and the people who loved me. When I did, the sense of relief was palpable. I found out I wasn’t alone and it didn’t diminish their image of me and my success. In telling the truth, I was able to finally take real action to shift the crisis into triumph.

2. Look for the Lesson

This is the crux of turning any challenge into triumph. While isn’t always easy or fun to look for the lesson or gold while in the middle of a crisis, this has been the quickest way for me to turn the tides. Sometimes I resist the lesson because I secretly like the drama of being in crisis. I am definitely good at the drama too. :) Yet, I know the struggle and suffering leaves me feeling powerless, so I look for the lesson or gift to reclaim my power in the situation.

As I look for the lessons in this financial crisis, two come to mind immediately. The first is my stepping up in financial responsibility – essentially putting my big girl panties on. I am now intimately connected to my bills and bank accounts in ways that will set me up financially for the rest of my life. The second gift is willingness to accept help. Being fiercely independent, I always hesitated to really depend on people because I didn’t want to be a burden. However, in this situation I have to make many requests for assistance, depending on people on a deeper level than ever before. This leads to the final step to turn challenge into triumph.

3. Seek out Support

The support from others was essential in helping me find solutions to turnaround the financial crisis. Whether it was simply a consoling conversation, advice on pinching pennies or job referrals, I was grateful for all the support I received to know that I wasn’t alone. Most people, especially our loved ones, are eager to help out in some way. The more specific we can be in our requests, the easier it can be to for supporters to step up. With our support team by our side, we can step up and out of our crisis and into triumph.

Whenever I am in trouble or even in the midst of a crisis, I am reminded of Christian D. Larson’s wise words. “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” Whether it’s a health crisis, a financial crisis or a relationship crisis – we can all find ways to not just survive the crisis, but more importantly you can find a way to thrive from it.

Befriending Fear to Create True Happiness

Befriending fear is the first and crucial step to creating the happiness you want. While it may seem counter-intuitive to finding happiness,  looking at the ugly stuff creates a clearer vision for true happiness.

Believe me, I am good at avoiding this ugly stuff myself. However, what I have found is that if I do step over this step and try to jump straight into finding what makes me happy, it often crumbles like a house with a bad foundation. The foundation of truth is crucial.

Telling the truth about what makes you nervous about your future. Is it the fear of failure, fear of not knowing, fear of hard work, fear of swallowing your pride, fear of success, fear of asking for help? All of these, if continually avoided, can stop us from creating a life of happiness and fulfillment.

The reality is that these fears are completely normal. Expect to have these fears and concerns. Make friends with them because they aren’t going away. They will be with you throughout your life at different points.

While I have experienced all of these, my frequent visitors are fear of asking for help, not knowing, and success. These will often paralyze me and keep me trapped into what is familiar and comfortable. I even had these fears visit as I am creating my upcoming webinar – I Got the Degree – Now What?

Oprah defines “COURAGE as not the absence of fear, but having fear and acting anyways.” To be powerful is not in getting rid of the fear, but befriending it so you have power over it.

What does it mean to be Friends with Fear? I know that seems a bit crazy, but it is incredibly useful. First, you have to shift your thinking that it is your enemy or shouldn’t be there. Fear is a normal and healthy emotion and filled with helpful information and gifts. Just like your friends brings something of value to the relationship, so does fear. It is just a matter of finding out what that value may be.

The value could simply be a reminder that you are stepping out of your comfort zone or to pay close attention. Or it could it serve a deeper purpose like a red flag to self-reflect and see if there is something you may need to consider.

In the last few weeks, I have experienced a lot of fear – the kind that feels like a knot in your stomach. I have even had a few sleepless nights. It wasn’t until I stopped avoiding it and befriended it, that is has finally allowed me to breathe deeply and fully. This fear was here to have me look at what I have been doing – playing it safe rather than going after what I really want.

Recognizing that it’s time to go after my dreams, the fear doesn’t magically go away, but it isn’t controlling me anymore. It now sits in the passenger seat rather than the driver seat. With courage, I can take the steering wheel and drive toward my dreams. And fear can ride along to remind me that this unfamiliar road is the path to my purpose on this planet.

What is fear telling you?  What can you learn from your fear if you stop avoiding it?

If you would like to know more or register for my upcoming webinar -
I Got the Degree – Now What?
Click here.

A Lesson of Sandusky Trial – Speak Your Truth

This week has been filled with reminders for me to Speak My Truth.  On Monday, when Jerry Sandusky was found guilty of nearly all of his charges of sexual abuse, I was incredibly proud of the immense courage it took for the young men to stand up and speak their truth, especially in such a public setting.  They were heard and believed.  As a survivor of sexual abuse myself, I am proud to see that they stood strong against the defense’s questions and were believed by a jury of their peers.  What an amazing reflection of the power of Speaking Your Truth.

On the other side of this case, you are met with more and more suspicion of Penn State administrators not speaking their truth.  While we don’t know exactly what they knew or didn’t know, it seems to be that they knew more than they had said.  They chose to keep themselves safe and comfortable, rather than speak their truth and keep the young men safe.  It is not easy to speak your truth, especially if it may not be believed or may cause upset or conflict.  But if it’s the right thing to do in your heart, then it needs to be done. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”

It takes an incredible amount of courage, because often we are trying to avoid the conflict or drama that may ensue with speaking our truth.  Well…that is what I am usually avoiding.  Even though I know that speaking my truth and saying what is there for me is the best thing I can do to truly relieve my suffering, I still find myself swallowing my words and suffering in silence.

This last month, I have found myself in many moments where I have wanted to speak my truth at work, in my relationship or in life in general, but have said nothing, sat in silence.  Many nights and weekend it look like me laying on the couch doing absolutely NOTHING, struggling between calling on a friend to seek support and Speak My Truth  and wanting to avoid the feelings just under the surface.   I didn’t want to look at them and I know I didn’t have the time to do it.  But the feelings still lingered.  I could numb them out for a while, but they always remained just under the surface waiting for the next trigger to re-open the wound.

So finally in the last few days I have been willing to do some exploratory surgery on this wound hiding under the surface.  Yes, there were tears and ugly feelings that surfaced.  However, what was revealed, as usual, that my fears and judgments about the situation and Speaking My Truth is what was creating most of my suffering and paralysis.  If I can show some compassion for myself, for my silence and the situation, I have more freedom and courage to explore and address the pain.

While it often takes something to deal with the aftermath of Speaking Your Truth, because the wound is now exposed and needing attention, it is the only way to truly begin to heal.  The band-aid of avoidance just isn’t doing it anymore.

I want to thank the young men of the Sandusky trial for their courage to Stand Up and Speak their Truth.  I hope that it inspires more people, as it did for me, to stand up and speak out in whatever ways they have been silenced.  We all deserve to live a life filled with more power than pain.

Valentine’s Day – The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

heart-in-hands200x150Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that is often loaded with mixed feelings and thoughts. Between the countless ads on TV, store aisles filled with candy and cards, this day has become overshadowed by capitalism than it’s original intention – Love.

I too find myself forgetting about the true purpose and getting sucked into the things rather than the love. So why not look a little deeper at this holiday named after St. Valentine. Let’s take a look at the good, the bad, and even the ugly:

The Good Stuff – The cool part about Valentine’s Day is that it’s a day about all types of love, not just romantic love. In a society where we can get caught up in our busy lives, we can forget to stop and celebrate all the love in our lives. Love is an essential part of our lives and for the world to keep us happy and healthy. So the more we remember and celebrate the love that we have around us, the better.

Suggestion: Tell the important people in your life that you love them: message on Facebook, send a text, or go old school and call them.

The Bad Stuff – Expectations…unfortunately this holiday is loaded with them. With advertising everywhere you look, it’s easy to get caught up in the expectations around romance, flowers, cards and candy. The problem is not that we have expectations, but that we aren’t talking about them with our loved ones. When we think our loved ones should just know what we want, we set them up for failure and ourselves for disappointment. Even more problematic, when we believe our expectations aren’t met, it’s can become evidence that we aren’t truly loved by that person. The best way to alleviate some of the disappointment and stress is to talk about it, get it all out on the table.

Suggestion: Chat with your significant other around expectations for the day to make sure the both of you are on the same page. And try not to make it mean anything if your expectations aren’t met.

The Ugly Stuff: Singles can often be left out of the Valentine’s Day festivities. Even though the holiday is about love in general, the commercial side makes it about romantic love. But the day isn’t just for the couples – celebrate being single and love yourself and the friends around you!

Suggestion: Grab your friends, your family and other loved ones and have a V-Day Party! Celebrate with the great loves in your life! You could even exchange cards and candy.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, celebrate this Valentine’s Day by appreciating the ones you love!

Turning Failure into Fertilizer

Do you learn from your failures? Do you use your failures to fertilize your growth and success? You have probably heard a quote or two, maybe three, about failure. While these quotes make failing seem like a good idea, it’s easier said than done.

Why even try to find the lesson in the failure? If we don’t find the lesson, we often shy away from potential future failures. We stop taking risks and place ourselves in a smaller and smaller box with every failure. The fertilizer can give us nourishment to grow, stretch and reach our goals. Without the fertilizer, we stunt our growth and wonder why we aren’t fulfilled.

Here are few steps to turn your Failures into Fertilizer:

1. Tell the Truth – When it comes to failures, we often don’t want to look at it. We hope we can just move past it. However, when we don’t look at it in the light, then it lingers around in the dark, letting the fear of future failure grow and fester. So take a look at the failure and all the feelings and thoughts that go with it. Bring it all to the light, you can find the lesson if you can’t see it.

2. Give up the Blame and Judgment – Once you have looked all the pieces of the failure, look at where you may have some blame toward someone else, yourself or the circumstances. I often blame myself for my failures, concluding there is an innate flaw in me that causes it. However, the blame will keep you stuck in the failure and the lessons hidden from your view. Once the blame is acknowledged and released, there is a sense of peace that arises, with that comes a clearer head.

3. Find the Lesson – With a clearer head, you now have the opportunity to look for the lessons of the failure. This can be challenging, but every failure has a lesson to learn if we are willing to look. There could even be several lessons? How could you have handled yourself differently in that situation? In action? In attitude? Once you discover the lessons to be learned, you gain a sense of freedom and power that fertilizes your goals and dreams.

Sara Nowlin is a life coach and author who specializes in empowering others to be authentic and fully self-expressed. She is a contributing author in the upcoming book, Speaking Your Truth, Volume 2. For more information, check out www.saranowlin.com or email sara@saranowlin.com.