Wake Up – Giving Gratitude

This speech was inspired by my mom’s miraculous and heroic recovery from a big-time health scare a few years back.  It woke me up to what’s truly important in life.

This speech was designed for a 2013 speech competition for Toastmasters International where I won at the Division level.  Even though the video was filmed by my friend and not a professional, it’s a great way to get the full experience of the story.

If you prefer the written word, below is the full script in its 16th edition :)

 

 

Speech Script - (This includes body language cues as well – a true script)

Wake up Sara – Wake up. Your phone just rang…

Ugh…

Wake up…rise and shine

Let me tell you something…This…does not rise and shine. What this does is rise and…grab a cup of coffee. But I begrudgingly get up and shuffle into the other room to find my phone.

6 voicemails and 4 texts from my dad?

What did I miss? (in a panic)

“Mom is in the ER”

“Mom is out of surgery”

“Where are you – call us“

There’s an ache in my stomach.

Mister Contest Chair, my fellow toastmasters and most honored guests. Have you ever had a moment when your life became one big wake up call? When you knew that your life would change forever?

For me December 2nd, 2010. It was the beginning of a series of wake up calls that taught me how fragile yet powerful life can be.

WAKE UP CALL #1 – Life’s a roller coaster – We need to prepare for those…unexpected turns.

I called my dad in California, I found out my mother was in total system failure. It started with gallstones, but her blood pressure BOTTOMED OUT. Her major organs…shut down.

She had a 1 in 4 chance of survival.

My DAD WENT ON TO EXPLAIN, The doctors thought that to best fight the infection was to induce…a coma…But EVEN THEN it wasn’t good.

After I hung up, and all I could do was collapse on my bed and sob and sob and sob (quiver in voice). But then I sit up – (wipe my nose and flick) wait a second – my mom’s a fighter. I have to fight with her.

WAKE UP CALL #2 We must never give up the fight.

I start my fight with a prayer. (get on knees) I pray and pray, and send her lots and lots of love.

(Get back up) As I continued, I had this vision – A LOVE CIRCLE – a circle of women surrounding my mom, breathing for her and sending her love. It was so real; I got goosebumps.

FINALLY I Flew HOME and As I walked into her hospital room, I could barely recognize her– swollen with fluids and medicine, tubes and machines everywhere. It was like I was watching A TV DRAMA but there were no hot doctors…This was real life…

I sat down next and held her hand, she squeezed back tight. She was still fighting. I had to keep fighting with her…but how?

The love circle! Now I know this sounds a little crazy and…even “Hippy…Dippy (head nod)”. But What can I say– I lived in San Francisco for 8 years—I’m a hippy …(adjust clothes and nod head) in disguise. Shhh

But I didn’t know if my aunts who flew in from Minnesota (with accent), home of the SPAM museum, were would be up for such a crazy idea.

I finally mustered the courage to ask, and they happily agreed…(thumbs up) Groovy!

So we circled around her – (Act out – holding hands and take a deep breath.)

A few hours later, 10 days in a coma, my mom woke up! We must Never ever give up the fight.

In the following days of her recovery, SHE HAD TO learn to walk again. She had to learn to do everything again. WAKE UP CALL #3 – Now’s the time TO STEP UP and focus on what’s really important.

I had never needed to take care of anyone in my family before. That was my parents’ job. Now is the time for me to be a mom to my mom.

As she fought her way back to health, I stepped up to tend to her every need. SO I WOULD adjust the pillows under her legs again and again and again. Surely, I…wasn’t this high maintenance when she took care of me… miss drama queen.

So I continued to step up day after day, doing everything I could. I even tried BURNing INCENSE to clear out the toxic energy… (hands on hips) but the cranky nurses put the kibosh on that one. Something about oxygen and open flames??? I don’t know. (shrug)

But we knew she was on her way to recovery when her hands that were swollen like sausages had returned back to their natural STATE… wrinkled. (with smile – clap with excitment)

When the doctors informed us that my mom would make a full recovery, it hit me how close I was to losing her. I almost lost her once, but Now I have a 2nd chance (smile).

I SAT DOWN next to her AND WE SHARED FROM OUR HEARTS. We shared our fears AND frustrations. SHE GETS FRUSTRATED THAT SHE NEVER WINS AN ARGUMENT with my dad…the attorney… I GET FRUSTRATED WHEN DAD TELLS ME TO BE “Smart” WITH MY MONEY…….tsk…whatever that means…

But most of all…we shared our deep deep love for one another.

 

Two years ago, that phone call changed my life forever.

Please, please don’t wait until you get that phone call.

WAKE-UP – LIFE IS A ROLLER COASTER FULL OF UNEXPECTED TURNS. AND IF LIFE TAKES YOU down

WAKE UP AND NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT

WAKE UP AND STEP UP TO THE CHALLENGE

Now is the time to…

Wake UP!

Going for Gold? Go Within

With my fascination of Olympics, I have been in awe of all the tremendous hard work and difficult decisions that the Olympians have had to make over their lifetime to achieve their ultimate goal – GOLD!

With so many difficult decisions and sacrifices they have made to pursue their dreams, they had to look within, trust their gut or intuition to determine which way to go.

You have probably heard someone say, “Go with Your Gut!”  That’s what I often say when someone is struggling with a  decision to make.  The reason for this simple answer is that we truly do know what is best.  We have the wisdom within us to make those difficult choices.  It’s that quiet whisper that nudges you to make a choice that is consistent with who you truly are.

It’s not always the easier choice.  In fact, it is often more risky, more uncomfortable, but oh so much more rewarding.  In his famous 2005 commencement speech, Steve Jobs encourages “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.“

Every time, I am struggling with a life decision, especially the bigger ones, I waiver between what my inner voice says and what I think I should be doing.  The suffering that occurs in my head – should I – shouldn’t I.  In the end, after all the back and forth, when I go with my gut, I am so much happier and it more often works itself out.  When I follow the “should,” I often create more struggle and suffering.

Now this is not to say, seek out the advice and opinions of others or consider all options.  I am a big fan of checking in with others – the people who know me well or have some experience with the issue.  Sometimes, I seek out direct advice.  Sometimes, it’s just listening and teasing out what’s going on underneath the suffering.  They can provide new information to assist in making a stronger choice.  Who do you reach out to for advice or support?

Now you may be saying to yourself, “How can I trust that voice? I have made bad choices in the past, I don’t know if I can trust myself.” Self-doubt can run rampant in tough decisions.  Look – I get it.  Why do you think I suffer so much in decision wavering?  I am afraid of making the wrong decision. So I sit on the fence, which can be really uncomfortable – Ouch!

So it’s time to get off the fence and make a choice.  Remember you aren’t married to your choice – you can always make another choice later. As I look back on those bad decisions, I realized that I wasn’t following my inner wisdom, my fear or need to prove myself.  It was more in quick reaction rather than taking a breath, settling in and finding what was the deeper wisdom.

So the next time, you are going for gold or simply struggling to make a decision, take a breath, listen to that quiet wisdom, and step forward!

A Deeper Look

  • What would you do if you listened to your inner wisdom?
  • Who can you seek out for support?

Creating Your Definition of Success

success-coaching-header

We all want to be successful in life, but what does that really mean?

Well, if you go by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Success is defined as “the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame.” But what if you have wealth and fame and no happiness?  There are plenty of cases where we have seen wealth and fame backfire on celebrities and other people in places of power.

We learn the meaning of success from our family, friends, and society as a whole from a very young age. And that definition continues to be reinforced as we grow older and new expectations are inserted – job, salary, family, etc.  Sometimes that works for people, but many times it causes undue suffering.

What if what’s important to you isn’t in the standard definition of success?  Does that mean you won’t be considered successful?  In my humble opinion – Of course not!

The danger is that if we aren’t considered a success by others, we won’t consider ourselves successful.  Even more dangerous – we may consider ourselves a failure. I have definitely traveled down this dark dangerous alley – beating myself up along the way.

After a good self-inflicted assault, I realized that I must create MY OWN definition of success.  I haven’t been one to follow the path of others; I like to take blaze my own trail.  So why wouldn’t I blaze my own definition of success?

So I invite you to take a deeper look as to how you define success.  Is that what you really want out of life?  Or is that what other have said that you should want?  Are you striving for that will make you happy?  Or will it make others happy?

It is your life, so you get to define the terms…you get the final say in your success!

Looking Deeper

  • How would you define success?
  • What’s important for you to feel you have a successful year, a successful life?

Rethinking Resolutions for Real Change

With the New Year comes new hope and often New Year Resolutions.  Did you make any resolutions for 2013?  Or are you like me in hesitating in making any resolutions because they usually fail by February anyways.

Resolutions fail not because they are a bad idea, but because we go about it backwards.  We look at what’s wrong in our lives and create a goal like losing weight or getting organized to counteract the wrong in hopes to become happier.  While that strategy can work in some cases, it is challenging to sustain and often doesn’t produce the happiness we had expected.

By starting with end result – the happiness, prosperity, or peace we are seeking – we open the door to more opportunities to experiencing that feeling and therefore more successful!

Here are a few tips I follow to create Resolutions for Real Change in my life:

1. Listen to Deeper Desires – What is it that you really want in your life?  One way to figure that out is to take the resolutions you often make and ask the question “What will that provide?”  With each time you ask that question, you dig deeper to your true desires.  I recommend 3-5 rounds to get to the heart of what you really want.  When I dig deeper to my resolution of losing weight, I discovered the desire to be energized about life.

2. Declare your Commitment – Once you discover what you really want, you can declare a commitment to creating that desire in your life in 2013.  A commitment inspires you into action.  A commitment doesn’t require perfection, but simply the willingness to get into action regardless of past performance.  My Commitment is A Life Full of Energy.

3.  Get into Action – With an inspiring commitment, now it’s time to get into action, any action that supports your commitment.   Brainstorm a list of aligned actions to encourage variety and flexibility, which leads to greater success over time.   Taking simple actions every day in support of your commitment will allow you to create what you really want for your life.  With a Commitment to a Life Full of Energy, I can exercise, socialize with friends, go out dancing or Zumba, or sing along with the car radio.

4. Create Community – With any sustained change requires a support team to hold you accountable and encourage you when your commitment fades, as it commonly does.  To be most effective, be specific with how each person can support you.  Will it be asking for encouraging words every day?  Will it be inviting a friend to join you in creating a similar commitment?  While it can seem vulnerable to ask for help, we succeed that much faster, that much greater when we include those around us.

5. Celebrate Small Successes – Celebration is critical to success and satisfaction as a whole.  If we continue to strive for the next goal without celebrating and acknowledging the progress made, we don’t recognize our growth and are often left still feeling “not enough.”  Celebrating can be simple with a manicure, or even FREE with a Shout-Out on Facebook or 5-second Dance Party with a friend.  Celebration often provides the needed inspiration to keep your commitment alive.

As you step into 2013 with a renewed sense of hope and commitment to change, remember that real change is like a roller coaster with highs and lows.   While the journey may be simple, it may not be easy.  Show yourself compassion when you make mistakes.  A sense of humor can help too!

May 2013 be a Year of Desires Fulfilled!

Give the Gift of Presence

newtown-christmas620x350A strange week to say the least. Between mourning the tragedy in Newtown and the anticipation of the holidays, I am trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings of what seems like opposing experiences. How can I honor both experiences simultaneously? How can I honor the lives lost and still celebrate? How can I make the tragedy a personal wake-up call for my own life and not just for the nation?

The holidays are filled with opportunity to be around people, whether it’s family gatherings, parties, religious services or last minute shopping. These opportunities allow for us to not just be around them, but truly connect with each other.

While we often hunt for the perfect gift for our sister or best friend, we could give one that is more meaningful and FREE. We could give the Gift of our Presence. Yes, it may be cheesy or cliché, but can also be incredibly powerful.

Here are a few ways you can give the Gift of Presence:

Mend Friendships – Many people are speaking about how we can peace in our communities these days, but what about start with creating peace in our own circles. Are there any strained relationships that could use some mending? Are there are resentments that could be forgiven? I know there are few in my circles. My friend, Dr. Stephanie May, came up with this brilliant idea after much soul searching, and I just had to share it. If we can “Be the Change” of creating peace, then our communities and nation will be more peaceful.

Have Authentic Conversations – Despite the hectic schedule of the holidays, I consciously try to have meaningful conversations with family and friends, rather than surface chitchat. Far too often we speak from a place of automaticity, rather than authenticity. When people ask how are you doing, give them a real response beyond the automatic “fine.” Seek a deeper response in their answer as well; find out what’s really happening their lives. Brady Quinn, KC Chiefs quarterback, eloquently shared a similar message after the domestic violence tragedy with teammate, Jovan Belcher. By having authentic conversations, we show people that they matter and you care.

Create Gadget Free Time – The holidays often mean spending time with friends and family, but I know for me that most of that time is with my phone in hand. While I may be sitting with my family, I am checking Facebook or playing Angry Birds. As a result, I miss out on spending real time with people I care about. If we put the gadgets down, turn off the TV and spend real face-to-face time with our loved ones, we can truly stay connected.

Count Your Blessings – As the year comes to an end, it often is a time of reflection. And with this year in particular after all the tragedies, I am going to count my numerous blessings. While it may be easy to recall all the things that went wrong, it’s often more powerful to recognize our successes and be PRESENT to the greatness within ourselves and our lives.

After such a roller coaster of a year, and especially this last week, join me in taking the time this holiday season to count our blessings and truly connect with the people in our lives. With the simple Gift of Presence, we can make this holiday one to remember.

Turning Crisis into Triumph

The last few weeks, ok…more like the last few months, I have been struggling with a problem that I haven’t had to deal with ever before. If I was being truthful to myself, I would even call it a crisis, a financial crisis. It has pushed me and pulled me in ways that I could have never envisioned I would experience at this point in my life.

Now I have struggled financially off and on over the years, but never to this extent. Due to some life circumstances and some mental roadblocks, I find myself in new territory.

You may not be experiencing a financial crisis, but you may have some other challenges that are testing you, whether it’s a relationship, an academic or work situation. Unfortunately, as part of being human, we all are tested now and again.

Rather than focusing on problem and feeling disempowered, what we can do is reclaim our power and find a route to overcome the challenge. While I haven’t fully resolved my financial crisis, I have found some steps to begin to turn the challenge in the direction of triumph.

1. Tell the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but…

Telling the truth in this area can be very challenging for me because I want to appear successful both to others as well as myself. However, ignoring the problem only made it worse. However, my work is about being authentic, so I thought I better walk the talk. So I sucked it up and began to tell the truth to myself and the people who loved me. When I did, the sense of relief was palpable. I found out I wasn’t alone and it didn’t diminish their image of me and my success. In telling the truth, I was able to finally take real action to shift the crisis into triumph.

2. Look for the Lesson

This is the crux of turning any challenge into triumph. While isn’t always easy or fun to look for the lesson or gold while in the middle of a crisis, this has been the quickest way for me to turn the tides. Sometimes I resist the lesson because I secretly like the drama of being in crisis. I am definitely good at the drama too. :) Yet, I know the struggle and suffering leaves me feeling powerless, so I look for the lesson or gift to reclaim my power in the situation.

As I look for the lessons in this financial crisis, two come to mind immediately. The first is my stepping up in financial responsibility – essentially putting my big girl panties on. I am now intimately connected to my bills and bank accounts in ways that will set me up financially for the rest of my life. The second gift is willingness to accept help. Being fiercely independent, I always hesitated to really depend on people because I didn’t want to be a burden. However, in this situation I have to make many requests for assistance, depending on people on a deeper level than ever before. This leads to the final step to turn challenge into triumph.

3. Seek out Support

The support from others was essential in helping me find solutions to turnaround the financial crisis. Whether it was simply a consoling conversation, advice on pinching pennies or job referrals, I was grateful for all the support I received to know that I wasn’t alone. Most people, especially our loved ones, are eager to help out in some way. The more specific we can be in our requests, the easier it can be to for supporters to step up. With our support team by our side, we can step up and out of our crisis and into triumph.

Whenever I am in trouble or even in the midst of a crisis, I am reminded of Christian D. Larson’s wise words. “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” Whether it’s a health crisis, a financial crisis or a relationship crisis – we can all find ways to not just survive the crisis, but more importantly you can find a way to thrive from it.

Befriending Fear to Create True Happiness

Befriending fear is the first and crucial step to creating the happiness you want. While it may seem counter-intuitive to finding happiness,  looking at the ugly stuff creates a clearer vision for true happiness.

Believe me, I am good at avoiding this ugly stuff myself. However, what I have found is that if I do step over this step and try to jump straight into finding what makes me happy, it often crumbles like a house with a bad foundation. The foundation of truth is crucial.

Telling the truth about what makes you nervous about your future. Is it the fear of failure, fear of not knowing, fear of hard work, fear of swallowing your pride, fear of success, fear of asking for help? All of these, if continually avoided, can stop us from creating a life of happiness and fulfillment.

The reality is that these fears are completely normal. Expect to have these fears and concerns. Make friends with them because they aren’t going away. They will be with you throughout your life at different points.

While I have experienced all of these, my frequent visitors are fear of asking for help, not knowing, and success. These will often paralyze me and keep me trapped into what is familiar and comfortable. I even had these fears visit as I am creating my upcoming webinar – I Got the Degree – Now What?

Oprah defines “COURAGE as not the absence of fear, but having fear and acting anyways.” To be powerful is not in getting rid of the fear, but befriending it so you have power over it.

What does it mean to be Friends with Fear? I know that seems a bit crazy, but it is incredibly useful. First, you have to shift your thinking that it is your enemy or shouldn’t be there. Fear is a normal and healthy emotion and filled with helpful information and gifts. Just like your friends brings something of value to the relationship, so does fear. It is just a matter of finding out what that value may be.

The value could simply be a reminder that you are stepping out of your comfort zone or to pay close attention. Or it could it serve a deeper purpose like a red flag to self-reflect and see if there is something you may need to consider.

In the last few weeks, I have experienced a lot of fear – the kind that feels like a knot in your stomach. I have even had a few sleepless nights. It wasn’t until I stopped avoiding it and befriended it, that is has finally allowed me to breathe deeply and fully. This fear was here to have me look at what I have been doing – playing it safe rather than going after what I really want.

Recognizing that it’s time to go after my dreams, the fear doesn’t magically go away, but it isn’t controlling me anymore. It now sits in the passenger seat rather than the driver seat. With courage, I can take the steering wheel and drive toward my dreams. And fear can ride along to remind me that this unfamiliar road is the path to my purpose on this planet.

What is fear telling you?  What can you learn from your fear if you stop avoiding it?

If you would like to know more or register for my upcoming webinar -
I Got the Degree – Now What?
Click here.

Make Yourself Happy – Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself!

Do you find yourself saying “Should” often?  I should be doing better in school.  I should be finding a job for the summer.   I should be thinner.  I should be happier.  I should be a better friend.  I should be a better…fill in the blank.

If we put “should” in front of something we want to change, then it removes any opportunity for choice and inserts a lot of guilt and shame that we aren’t already there. We are “shoulding” all over ourselves and our lives, making a big mess. Once we can clear the “should” out, we can begin to find our own path instead of following the path others want for us.

Once the “should” is out of the way, we can see what we really want, what will make us happy. Our own path may contradict the norm, in fact I can almost guarantee it.  It takes extra courage and strength to follow your own path, to buck the system.  It may not make the family thrilled, it will likely be questioned by those around you, but you are the one who is living your life, not anyone else.  It is up to you to follow your own true path, and make you truly happy.

The best way to find that path is to listen to your inner wisdom, that quiet voice inside that knows your deepest desires and knows what’s best for you.  You may call that voice your gut, your intuition, your soul, Spirit, God, Goddess, or the divine within.  Whatever you may call it, it is important to listen to that voice.  For the purposes of this article, I will refer to it as intuition.  Our intuition is speaking to us all the time, but we may not always be listening.

So how do begin to listen?  Well, first we need to learn why we don’t.  In this society, we are taught to ignore our intuition because it’s just a feeling.  It’s not reliable to make decisions.  We are told to rely only on our logic and the physical evidence.  However, intuition is more than a feeling.  It takes in additional information beyond what our logical minds absorb.  It reads the energy and mood of a situation.  It taps into something bigger than ourselves to guide us in the direction we need to go.  Even if it is counter to our logic, we need to practice trusting our intuition and moving forward from that space.

There are many strategies to listen to the inner wisdom.   Listening to your intuition requires a sense of silence, a few moments where the committee (the chatter in your mind) is quieted enough for the intuition to be heard.  You may already have a few you use: journaling, meditating, prayer, or yoga.

Here is a suggestion that I use all the time. In order to quiet the committee, I take at least 3 long deep breaths. Sometime more if the committee is extra chatty. In that quiet moment, I ask my intuition one of two questions, “What is in my best interest?” if I need to make a choice or  “What do I need to know right now?” when I am experiencing a lot of drama or confusion in my life.  Sometimes it helps to write down the question and then write whatever answer arises.  Whatever strategy you use to listen and follow your true path, do it and do it often.

Once I began to trust my intuition and listen to it more closely, I have found myself to be happier and more fulfilled in life.  It requires courage and strength to go out on your own, but the satisfaction from making your own decisions and following your heart is priceless.

Changing Lanes – First Look in the Mirror

How many of you have had a boss or coworker who annoys or frustrates you? If you aren’t raising your hand right now, you are a lucky person, but pay attention because they are coming.

Before you change lanes and ditch the job, take a look in your mirrors. Often times, the solution is simply to look within and see where you can shift your judgments about that person and see them through a different lens.

A recent experience in my own life illustrates this. Someone I was supervising was annoying me. She was asking for more breaks because she was exhausted from the job intensity. I saw her as a complainer and whiner. All I wanted to say to her is “Suck it up and get over it.”

But I knew that wasn’t the solution. I was committed to finding a way to keep the relationship intact and empower her to step up in the position because I wanted to believe she was doing the best that she could.

I needed to look in the mirror and see where all the judgments were coming from. Within the mirror, I noticed where I was responsible for the situation. She was voicing her needs and expectations and I wasn’t. I had needs and expectations that I assumed the team would execute without explicitly stating them to the team. That had set me up for the frustration and annoyance I was feeling.

Once I realized that, I knew there was something I could do about it — voice my needs and expectations for my team. I did, and the frustration cleared. Everyone on the team, even the “complainer,” stepped up and met my expectations and they got more breaks. A win-win solution.

What I was annoyed by — voicing needs and expectations — was exactly what I personally needed to do. It always seems to work out that way. I invite you to look at where you may be frustrated and want to change lanes and see if you need to look in your mirrors first.

Where are you feeling frustrated with someone at work? Are there unvoiced expectations that may be causing it?

The Power of Speaking Your Truth

After the long journey I have had to reclaim my voice and speak my truth,
I still struggle sometimes to speak my truth, but I know that it is a practice, a choice in every moment. Before I needed to fit in; I needed to belong. Now I know I have the choice, and it is very real and conscious. I continue to search for opportunities to uncover areas where I may be suppressed and I can choose self-expression. With every choice I make to express myself, my roar is reclaimed, and I seize another opportunity to speak my truth.

Deep within my soul, I know I was given the responsibility of reclaiming my voice for a divine purpose. I know I am meant to share my journey as an example for others to reclaim their voices, to reclaim their own roar. Much of my work as a life coach and motivational speaker now involves empowering women and girls to speak their truth and roar. I am constantly inspired by courageous women who allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to look at where they have been silenced. I become energized as I watch them reclaim their voices, and speak their truths. I am honored to be part of that process. A self-expressed woman is beyond strong. She is invincible.

You can read more of my story in the upcoming book – Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories From Inspiring Women – launching August 9th. Click here to purchase the book.